Black Pants Fade

Dear Diary,

My grumpy factor is a little high today. It's one of those days where I don't want anyone talking to me, you know? I walked off mid-conversation in the coffee room; I was sarcastic to my boss; it's just not a good day to talk to me.

So, I tried to combat this funk by going to the grocery store at lunch (cottage cheese snack packs-- dairy industry brilliance!) On my way in the store, this old fucking fart passed me and said, "You should probably smile a little". Can you believe that? Eff you, grandpa. You don't know me. What business is it of yours what facial expression I choose to sport in public? Should we all just walk around with shit-eating grins on our faces all day? Barf. It just made me want to smile even less. But it also made me think, though. If I did want to walk around smiling all day like a moron, what would I have to think about? I've compiled a list, of course.

1. the word "doodie"
2. the BHE
3. that time my dog humped his own face
4. that time my dog ate an apple like people
5. cashmere
6. my trench coat
7. that time my MIL walked into the screen door and then fell down
8. martinis
9. the washington post's saturday quote-acrosstic
10. cybil shepherd as martha stewart
11. we're getting a piano

I'm going to try to keep these things in mind and see if I'm smiling all day.

Doodie. ! Yeah, it's working already.

Love, Fluffy