Have Tap Shoes, Will Travel

Dear Everyone,

I need a new job, stat. This place is making me a grumpy, depressed, lazy alcoholic. I'd jump out the window if I was up higher than the 2nd floor. Then again, if I jumped I'd likely land in City B's harbor, which would basically be a death sentence anyway.

If anyone has any job leads, please send them my way. Here's what I'm good at:

correcting peoples' grammar
writing end-user documentation
writing instructional documentation
writing in my blog while I'm at work

Here's what I'm bad at:

lifting heavy things
serving food

So if anyone can get me a job, that would be really cool. I'd probably be a really good celebrity gossip columnist, or a celebrity publicist. So if there are any famous people reading, I'M YOUR GIRL. Especially if you're Jude Law or Johnny Damon.