Fluffy's Little Helper

Dear Diary,

I just don't know how anyone gets anything done around the holidays! It's just exasperating. I've tried to get into the spirit, only to be thwarted at every turn:

- I tried to get the decorations out from our basement, but there are camelback crickets down there. The camelback crickets and I have reached a sort of agreement: I don't go down there; they don't come up here. But recently they've been in flagrant violation of that agreement. It's kind of like an Israeli/Palistinian thing going on. Not sure which side I am in this situation. Probably Israeli, because I have access to an exterminator and I threaten to use it. The BHE has kindly agreed to do my laundry until this situation gets resolved. He's kind of like the International Red Cross. I suspect he's even been bringing them donuts and coffee.

- We tried to get a tree, but it was way too cold to stand outside for that long. Isn't there a drive-thru Chritsmas tree place somewhere? There really oughtta be.

- I tried to send out Christmas cards, but I don't have anyone's address. I just can't be bothered to keep up, what with people moving and marrying and divorcing and having new kids all the damn time. And with the not knowing of live-in bf/gf's last names... that makes addressing the card somewhat awkward:

John Smith (and that girl he shacked up with)
213 Main Street
City B

It's just so exhausting, the whole thing. Well, merry Shitsmas!

Love, Fluffy