Remembered!

Dear Diary,

Sorry for all the suspense. I kept meaning to post this weekend, but my new complex relationship with eating takes up nearly all of my time now. Whether to eat, when to eat, what to eat, regretting what I ate... it's very emotionally draining.

And thank you, readers, for all your well wishes. Made me tear up. But so do commercials for McDonalds, so... anyway.

I know that pregnancy and motherhood turns you into a crazy person changes you forever, so while I still have some of my faculties about I’d like to remind my future self of some things I may forget in the months and years to come:

- Must not say, “We’re pregnant!” I am the only one pregnant in this scenario. Only women get pregnant, unless you’re a seahorse.

- Consider going into confinement. Nobody wants to be around pregnant women (except for maybe other pregnant women). Let’s face it, the whole thing is a bit creepy.

- Women with children are kind of like people with a drug or alcohol problem: they LOVE to have partners in crime. But fight the urge to tell your childless girlfriends that they should have them too. If I recall correctly, this is extremely irritating.

- If anyone asks about gender preference, don’t say “Oh, I don’t care as long as it’s healthy!” because we all know that’s not true. I want a girl, so that she will be a ballerina.

[Before anyone accuses me of gender-bias, I am well aware that boys can also practice ballet. But they don’t look as cute in the outfits. The BHE probably has a healthier attitude when it comes to gender. And that is, “I don’t care what it is, as long as it washes my car.”]

- Nobody is going to think that the baby is as cute/amazing/awe-inspiring as I do. Except maybe my mother. Must keep that in mind when I'm around other people. I cannot really stress this enough. I'm sure the BHE and I will get endless amusement from watching the baby move, cry, vomit, blink, whatever. But other people... not so much.

- Being pregnant, having a baby, nursing a baby, etc. makes one an expert on their own experience; not on the experience in general. Unless I become a doctor, I better keep my yap shut about telling other pregnant women what they will experience.

OK, that's done. To quote many a hollywood star's representative, the BHE and I are both "over the moon" about the news. The sick has made it somewhat less appealing, but hopefully that is on the way out. Thursday is the sonogram to get the due date and make sure there is really something alive in there. If there is not, I will be demanding an expensive vacation. But if there is, I will buy out Old Navy's maternity wardrobe for summer. Because yes, I AM cheap like that.

Love,
Fluffy