Whisking is a maybe

Dear Diary,

One of the misconceptions I have about myself is that I like to bake. I like the idea of baking, and I do get smug satisfaction from saying that I have baked something, but in reality baking often makes me cry and/or throw things. I have a few standard items that I make because they are easy and require few ingredients and no other gear besides a bowl and spoon. These include banana bread, peanut butter cookies, and... hmm. That's it, actually.

When Christmas rolls around I do like to bake some cookies to make it seem like I'm a functioning wife/mother. But looking at one of my cookbooks this evening, I discovered that there are certain limits I have with what I will deal with in a recipe. For example, if a recipe has too many ingredients, I just say no. Also, there are certain instructions that I just will not do, and if I see those phrases in the recipe I stop reading right there. Here they are, in no particular order.

"rolling pin" (not going to happen)
"melt the chocolate," "double boiler" (no and no)
"finely chop" (very unlikely)
"using a pastry bag" (often a recipe will look totally doable until this point; so disappointing)
"candy thermometer" (often appears with "stir constantly," which is a definite no)
"in a separate bowl" (whoa, too complicated)
"egg whites" (goodbye)

It probably takes me more time to find recipes that meet my criteria than it would to actually follow a normal cookie recipe. But it's better than tears and broken dishes.


1 comment:

Dr. kold_kadavr_flatliner, MD, the sub/dude said...

So, you're a writer? Cool shoes. I gotta whooole lotta schtuff to bestow upon thee if you'll just goto our 24-blogger-page and see what ultra-mega-enriching-nuancesNmetaphors can arise like your fruitFULL thoughts to make the next bestseller; to visualize the fundamental reality of infinity is everything. Looky here...

Precisely why I had my epiphany: wanna see a perfectly cognizant, fully-spectacular, Son-ripened-Heaven?? … yet, I’m not sure if we're on the same page if you saw what I saw. Greetings, earthling. Because I was an actual NDE on the outskirts of the Great Beyond at 15 yet wasn’t allowed in, lemme share with you what I actually know Seventh-Heaven’s Big-Bang’s gonna be like: meet this advanced, bombastic, ex-mortal Upstairs for the most extra-groovy-paradox, pleasure-beyond-measure, Ultra-Yummy-Reality-Addiction in the Great Beyond for a BIG-ol, kick-ass, party-hardy, robust-N-risqué-passion you DO NOT wanna miss the sink-your-teeth-in-the-smmmokin’-hot-deal. Cya soon…