19.4.05

BBE

Dear Diary,

This weekend I'm a bridesmaid and I'm getting my first manicure ever. I just don't really do manicures. I even did my own nails for my wedding, top and bottom. (And I must say, they looked divine.) But you may be surprised at my reasoning. It's not becuase I'm cheap or because I don't like strangers touching me (though I am cheap and I don't like strangers touching me).

Anyway. No, the reason is that I have a disgusting nervous habit of tearing the skin off of my fingers obsessively. Until they bleed. Can't help myself. I've been doing it as long as I can remember. My thumbs look like raw meat. The BHE often makes me wear mittens when we're watching TV. My brother used to throw things at my head to get me to stop. My pediatrician said, "Sit on your hands." My grown-up doctor said, "Up your medication."

It's a hard habit to explain to people. They say, "Why do you want to hurt yourself like that?" But it's not a matter of want. It's a matter of crazy.

POINT BEING. I'm trying to stop picking and ripping and tearing and biting my fingers until I get this manicure. I've painted my nails all pretty, and I keep my hands nicely moisterized. I try not to look at my fingers, lest they mock me into tearing them to shreds. Stoplights are the worst. (What else are you going to do at a stoplight??) On top of this, I'm trying to cut down on beer and junkfood. So all I gotta say is, when I get to this salon on Saturday, there better be a beer and a bag of doritos waiting for me. Because I'm working hard for this manicure.

Love, Fluffy (Best Bridesmaid EVER)