St. Francis is My Dentist

Dear Diary,

It's been a strange few days. with the helping of mothers-in-law and the sitting of dogs and the watching of disappointing shark movies and the stuffing of pork chops. Some highlights:

1. A guy come by to give us an estimate on some new windows. It turned into a crazy sales pitch with samples and props, and to drive home the point that these windows are indeed the best he put his sample window on the floor and stood on top of it. Which really helped seal the deal because the last time somebody stood on our window it totally shattered. So that'll be one less thing to worry about.

2. I went to a new dentist this morning. He said, "Jeez. These fillings look like they were put in by St. Francis." I have no idea what he meant by that. Was St. Francis a friend of small woodland creatures AND a dentist? Does he think I'm as old as St. Francis? Do my fillings look saintly? Don't know. But he also said that my teeth are "pristine". I think he probably just wants to do me.

3. Highschool Friend A has split with her husband and has been dating. She's been seeing this one guy who's like a thousand, but he's super rich. She told me that she'd slept over with him 3 times and he hasn't "tried anything." Then she said "You know, he's gentlemanly like that." I think by "gentlemanly" she must mean "impotent". But hey, he's got a pool so I assume he has a pool boy. She always said she'd like to have a pool boy.

3. My sister is due to have a baby today. Last night I dreamt that I had a baby and I kept forgetting to feed and change it. It was like I had a houseplant that I kept forgetting was there, and whenever I would remember to go water it I was surprised to find it still alive. This is why I don't have houseplants... or babies.

Love, Fluffy