28.7.06

Cluster of Baby Fever Cases Plagues City B

A recent outbreak of baby fever is gripping parts of City B, leaving health officials and husbands alarmed and overwhelmed. Several women have already succumbed to the disease, with dozens more displaying symptoms of this potentially life-changing illness.

One woman, who declined to give her name, said, "I went to visit my friend in the hospital after she had her baby. The baby was cute and all, but we want to wait a few years to have one. But then I started chasing my husband around the house screaming that I was ovulating. It was pretty bad; we're sleeping in separate rooms now until I recover. But it's hard; I'm still looking at cribs online and picking out names. I really like the name Molly, or maybe Julia. But if it's a boy, I don' t know. Boys' names are so hard, you know? Oh [darn], there I go again! I'm sorry. This interview is over."

Local health officials are warning husbands to be vigilant about their wives' birth control methods. One nurse, who declined to give us her name, said, "This disease is very unpredictable. One rare but potentially devastating symptom can be prophylactic deception. I tell husbands not to take it for granted that their wives are using birth control properly. Husbands need to be educated and take initiative with birth control if we are to combat this disease." One husband told us, "I thought she was taking her pills. I mean, I saw her take them. But I found out later she had switched them with prenatal vitamins. I had no idea." Another man said of his wife, who had a severe case, "She told me that women can't get pregnant during the full moon. It sounded right-- I'm not a woman, how was I supposed to know?"

Some women are lucky enough to have built up a natural immunity to the disease. As one City B resident told us, "I don't even like babies. I think they're pretty gross." Health officials are looking into the possibility of a vaccine, but are unsure if a vaccine would even protect women from developing the condition. As one researcher told us, "We've had several cases of previously immune women who suddenly display symptoms of baby fever. We can't explain it."

In the meantime, health officials and husbands are playing the waiting game. One husband said, "I'm just hoping my wife will forget all about wanting a baby once she realizes that she can't drink when she's pregnant and she'll lose her figure. I'm hoping her vanity and selfishness will prevail over baby fever. But who knows?"

Fluffy Windover, City B