Today I went to the Super Fresh salad bar. It is a big salad bar, and one is likely to be seduced by the myriad colorful offerings. But after having had my share of salad bar mishaps, I thought I would compile some tips.
1. Celery is a waste of time and space. I find its bold and flashy taste presumptuous; it offers no satisfaction to back it up. Don't be drawn in.
2. Though some may find them tacky and disingenuous, I think fake bacon bits are a refreshing addition to the top of salad. They add textural nuance -- crunchy at the beginning of the salad, then mysteriously bloated and chewy by the end.
3. Cottage cheese is the great unifier. If you are ever in the mood for both fruit and vegetables, but unsure whether they will get along in one salad, fear not. Cottage cheese will bridge the gap nicely.
4. Chick peas are a welcome addition to any salad. BUT ONLY IF THEY ARE PLAIN CHICK PEAS. I have been drawn in before by what looked like some kind of middle-eastern chick pea medley, only to discover to my shock and horror that it was a revoltingly sweet concoction that contaminated the entire salad and left me questioning the meaning of life.
5. I support the use of sunflower seeds.
6. Do not be tempted by prepared tuna salad. This is a risk not worth taking. I am always amazed by the number of people who think that adding sweet relish to tuna salad is a normal thing to do. You might as well squirt honey in your mashed potatoes.
7. In fact, steer clear of prepared salads altogether. Those fancy pasta salads may look enticing, but they are likely to have a bizarre and unwelcome ingredient lurking among the sun-dried tomatoes.
8. If you have made informed choices in the salad bar, you should have no need for additional dressing. If you find that your salad is bland, you only have yourself and your mistrust of fake bacon bits to blame.