Dear T. Mobile customer service employee,
I apologize for snapping at you this morning. I realize that you are trained to type "international roaming" into your little computer, and when a script comes out you have to read what it says, pretending like you just came up with it yourself. ("I understand that it is important for you to be able to call your people when you're overseas. Let me get that taken care of for you...")
But seriously, while you're waiting for the screen to tell you what to do next, let's cut the chit-chat. I humored you when you asked me how the weather was in City B. But asking me what I do for a living? Come on. I realize they probably trained you to do that too, so I'm sorry I snapped. I'm just mad at T. Mobile for training their poor service reps to be patronizing. I'm sure that in real life, you don't really give a shit about what I do for a living. And that's as it should be.
Love, Fluffy
23.10.07
20.10.07
The Clientele
Dear Diary,
If you want to know what I am feeling like right now, please listen to some Sam Prekop, or Radiohead Kid A, or some Clientele, especially their song "Reflections After Jane", from their collection of singles, Suburban Light. When the BHE and I first started dating I was heavy into this kind of snore-core music. He was not so into it, but being into me, he had to endure it just the same. And now so must you, diary.
I realize this post was not funny at all. But I am sad and lonely without my BHE. I feel like ET, when he started to get all white and sad and homesick...
Love, Fluffy
If you want to know what I am feeling like right now, please listen to some Sam Prekop, or Radiohead Kid A, or some Clientele, especially their song "Reflections After Jane", from their collection of singles, Suburban Light. When the BHE and I first started dating I was heavy into this kind of snore-core music. He was not so into it, but being into me, he had to endure it just the same. And now so must you, diary.
I realize this post was not funny at all. But I am sad and lonely without my BHE. I feel like ET, when he started to get all white and sad and homesick...
Love, Fluffy
16.10.07
Pyramus and Thisbe
Dear Dear Diary,
Saturday the BHE left for Greece. He is going to be working there for two weeks. He makes maps for USAID, and he is there to help illustrate what damage was done by the recent fires. And in case you are wondering what happens to your federal tax dollars, please rest assured that he is staying in a very swank hotel and having a wonderful time. Thankfully, I will be joining him there at the end of his trip and we are going to the island of Hydra for a long weekend. (Anyone been there? Have any suggestions? Should I expect very attractive people, or can I get away with not fasting and fake-tanning before I go?)
Anyway, what's more important is what I'm going to do in the 10 days before I meet him . You see, in our 4-year marriage (and 6-year cohabitation), we have only been apart for maybe 1 or 2 nights. It has been only 3 days, and I'm doing OK so far. And here is what I've learned:
- Generally speaking, cable is my second husband, HBO on demand specifically. Minutely, "Tell Me You Love Me." This is the kind of show that the BHE would never watch with me, so I am binge-ing on it.
- Also, pasta with clam sauce. The BHE is allergic to shellfish, you see. So I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to cram shellfish down my pie hole.
- Also, our cats are really annoying. The BHE has a long commute, and I have a very short commute. This works out very well for me because he gets up early and deals with all the animals and their needs, and once he leaves the house they come back to bed and are drowsy and satiated by the time I get up. But with him gone, my cats claw at my head and traipse all over my boobs starting at about 6:00 AM. Then the dogs get in on the action, tap-dancing on the hardwood floors of our bedroom, forcing me to get up WAY earlier than is natural for me.
- Also, I have discovered that if I want trash taken away from my house, I have to carry the bag out to this big plastic thing and then drag said thing down to the end of the driveway. WTF? Can't they come get it?
- Also, there is nobody here to talk me down from my anxiety attacks, so I end up asking my dog if it looks like there is a tumor growing in my eyeball, or if he thinks that I would really be a good mother.
- Also, I am actually watching the baseball playoffs because it reminds me of him, and tonight I noticed that his old nasty converse sneakers were sitting under the coffee table and I picked one up and SMELLED IT just to be reminded of him. Full disclosure: I am considering sleeping with it tonight.
So I realize with him gone how much I really depend on him, not just for the taking out of trash and the cleaning up of cat puke and the convincing me that everything is OK. But man, I just miss that guy. There is not enough cable to fill in the gap. (That was meant to sound poignant, but it just sounded dirty...)
Opa!
Love, Fluffy
Saturday the BHE left for Greece. He is going to be working there for two weeks. He makes maps for USAID, and he is there to help illustrate what damage was done by the recent fires. And in case you are wondering what happens to your federal tax dollars, please rest assured that he is staying in a very swank hotel and having a wonderful time. Thankfully, I will be joining him there at the end of his trip and we are going to the island of Hydra for a long weekend. (Anyone been there? Have any suggestions? Should I expect very attractive people, or can I get away with not fasting and fake-tanning before I go?)
Anyway, what's more important is what I'm going to do in the 10 days before I meet him . You see, in our 4-year marriage (and 6-year cohabitation), we have only been apart for maybe 1 or 2 nights. It has been only 3 days, and I'm doing OK so far. And here is what I've learned:
- Generally speaking, cable is my second husband, HBO on demand specifically. Minutely, "Tell Me You Love Me." This is the kind of show that the BHE would never watch with me, so I am binge-ing on it.
- Also, pasta with clam sauce. The BHE is allergic to shellfish, you see. So I have been taking advantage of the opportunity to cram shellfish down my pie hole.
- Also, our cats are really annoying. The BHE has a long commute, and I have a very short commute. This works out very well for me because he gets up early and deals with all the animals and their needs, and once he leaves the house they come back to bed and are drowsy and satiated by the time I get up. But with him gone, my cats claw at my head and traipse all over my boobs starting at about 6:00 AM. Then the dogs get in on the action, tap-dancing on the hardwood floors of our bedroom, forcing me to get up WAY earlier than is natural for me.
- Also, I have discovered that if I want trash taken away from my house, I have to carry the bag out to this big plastic thing and then drag said thing down to the end of the driveway. WTF? Can't they come get it?
- Also, there is nobody here to talk me down from my anxiety attacks, so I end up asking my dog if it looks like there is a tumor growing in my eyeball, or if he thinks that I would really be a good mother.
- Also, I am actually watching the baseball playoffs because it reminds me of him, and tonight I noticed that his old nasty converse sneakers were sitting under the coffee table and I picked one up and SMELLED IT just to be reminded of him. Full disclosure: I am considering sleeping with it tonight.
So I realize with him gone how much I really depend on him, not just for the taking out of trash and the cleaning up of cat puke and the convincing me that everything is OK. But man, I just miss that guy. There is not enough cable to fill in the gap. (That was meant to sound poignant, but it just sounded dirty...)
Opa!
Love, Fluffy
9.10.07
Google THIS
Dear Diary,
Since I am a narcissist, I like tooccasionally constantly look at who reads this and how they got there. The Google referrals are the best. Not only do these people put bizarre criteria into Google, but then my mess of a blog comes up and they actually click the link! Amazing. I am dying to meet some of these people, because I think we'd be fast friends. For example:
samantha ronson unattractive
This person should call me. We agree on this.
1234 I declare a thumb war
This is actually quite a common search. Call me; we'll start a league.
poopy paws
I believe I coined this phrase. Call me; we'll talk licensing fees.
which side of tin foil to use
Perhaps this person also has a mother-in-law who tried to school her on the right side? Call me; we'll start a support group.
"brain tumor" driving car
Another hypochondriac! Actually, we probably shouldn't be friends...
+panties +ripped +dress +embarrass
YOU TOO????? call me.
And perhaps best of all...
torturing your family
I'm glad that my blog came up on this search, and I hope this person got some good suggestions he/she can use to do just that...
Love, Fluffy
Since I am a narcissist, I like to
samantha ronson unattractive
This person should call me. We agree on this.
1234 I declare a thumb war
This is actually quite a common search. Call me; we'll start a league.
poopy paws
I believe I coined this phrase. Call me; we'll talk licensing fees.
which side of tin foil to use
Perhaps this person also has a mother-in-law who tried to school her on the right side? Call me; we'll start a support group.
"brain tumor" driving car
Another hypochondriac! Actually, we probably shouldn't be friends...
+panties +ripped +dress +embarrass
YOU TOO????? call me.
And perhaps best of all...
torturing your family
I'm glad that my blog came up on this search, and I hope this person got some good suggestions he/she can use to do just that...
Love, Fluffy
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