No Turkey for Me

Dear Diary,

I just went shopping with Mrs. M., to buy a nice outfit for Thanksgiving so that I can pretend like I'm not a slob for one day, and so that I also don't have to do laundry before then, etc. But I didn't buy anything, because I was TOO FAT FOR EVERYTHING I TRIED ON, including hats, bracelets, and handbags. So no more food for me, ever. Just red wine and cocktail snacks (olives, the occasional peanut, what have you) from now on.


Fluffy Fatty