Doesn't lose suction!

Dear Diary,

This weekend I attended an all-girl party. In addition to the bratwurst (hee hee), booze, and male stripper (of course) there was a very enthusiastic conversation about vacuum cleaners. I for one am sold on the Dyson and I'm going to start saving for one straight away. I just know it will make all my dreams come true. It doesn't lose suction! Imagine that.

Other weekend activity included lots of inactivity. I didn't even finish the crossword. I didn't cook for the BHE, not once. But I'm completely addicted to any British TV, of any sort. I just watched Catherine Zeta-Jones in Darling Buds of May. Charming! Last of the Summer Wine is awesome-- it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. They say "pussy" all the time on Are You Being Served. AND since they don't have guns over there, on Mystery! one cop shot another cop with a flare. Those zany Brits. So resourceful.

Did I mention the male stripper?

Love, Fluffy

Queen Bored of Boringville, Boredomshire

Dear Diary,

The most exciting parts of my day so far:

* Eating a pear-- while driving.
* Dumping a packet of sugar-free cocoa into my coffee. Diet mochacchino, anyone?
* Breaking our network security rules and streaming Air America. Rebel!
* Learning that there are two new nickel designs for 2005.
* I don't know-- putting on pants? I got nothin' else.

Tonight though, I'm going to shake things up. There will be tuna melts and single malt scotch. I might even do laundry.

In my tap shoes.

Naked.

Don't you wish you were my red neck neighbor who can see into our basement windows from his red neck driveway?

Love, Fluffy

Hail Fluffy Full of Grace

Dear Diary,

Lately I've been practicing my ballet. You know, a leap here, an arabesque there. Well, the BHE told me that I'm very graceful. But I think, Diary, that he was being sarcastic. Because he said it after I ran into a wall. I'll show him. I'm going to start practicing with the door closed, then one day when I'm really good, I'll just float by him and he'll say, "Was that a swan that just lept down the stairs? Why, no! That was my wife. I think I'll buy her a pair of diamond earrings."

This weekend, Diary, is a social extravaganza, bonanza, tony danza kind of weekend. Old friends and good times. I think I'm going to drink my face off! Charming.

Also today several people at my job are wearing purple camouflage. If you live in City B, you might know why. But it's still not right.

Love, Fluffy

Can't talk; eating.

Dear Diary,

When the only people complimenting your hair are old ladies, it's time for a change. Right? For a while I was chanelling Angus Young, and I was OK with that. But now it's just a disaster. Oh my God I think it's turning gray.

So the tap shoes arrived. And the ballet slippers. I was practicing my first position and my jetees and the BHE said, "That's... very nice, baby. Very, uh, graceful." Diary, I think he was being sarcastic. Humph! From now on I'm practicing in the privacy of my own front porch.

Also I think my mother-in-law (The Other Mother) and I are playing a little game of cat and mouse. More like mouse and mouse, actually. She's waiting for me to call her. But little does she know I'm waiting for her to call me. Nobody wins this game, Diary. Except guilt. Guilt wins.


Love, Fluffy