Countdown to Shitsmas

Dear Diary,

I wouldn't consider myself a "scrooge". In fact, I enjoy Christmas. HOWEVER, I am very particular about the things I like about Christmas and the things I do not. Allow me to elaborate:

Things that are OK at Christmas:

real christmas trees
booze of any kind
tasteful Christmas music (this includes Charlie Brown, Nat King Cole, maybe some Handel)
referring to Christmas as "Christmas" or "Shitsmas"
not driving anywhere
avoiding family
buying presents for the pets

Things that are NOT OK:

referring to Christmas as a "season" or a "holiday"
having to buy gifts for coworkers
santas, snowmen, rudolphs, etc.
Christmas songs mentioning any of the above
lawn ornaments
birthday cakes for Jesus
driving to see family
seeing family at all, really. except your husband

As far as Christmas is concerned, it's my way or the highway. Family can kiss our collective Windover ASS. We are staying home, drinking spiked nog, and watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy. And putting a santa hat on the dog.

Merry Shitsmas to All.

Love, Fluffy