Luck Schmuck

Dear Diary,

Today is Friday the 13th. This would have bothered the younger, thinner, more nervous me. But now I'm all medicated and fat, and I really don't care. Bring on the black cats, beeeeatch!

Also, if malice wants to wash her hair with Pert Plus, it is nobody's business but her own. The U.S. should stay out of her uterus, and City B should stay out of her hair-styling choices.

Love, Fluffy