Sexy Grandma?

Dear Diary,

Meredith Viera is like nine hundred years old. She's too matronly. I always think she's about to take a hankie out, spit on it, and try to get a spot out of Matt Lauer's tie. With Katie, you were more worried that she would... do something else to Matt Lauer.

Also, I would like to apologize for previously calling Natalie Morales a whore. Now she's my favorite. It's so cute how she is all over Al Roker, resting her head on his shoulder, etc. Wait, maybe she is a whore...

Love, Fluffy

Going Nuclear Won't Bring it Back

"If you see my chin, tell it I said hi."

1234 I Declare a Thumb War

Dear Diary,

First of all, this site is effing hilarious.

Second of all, we hired a trainer to come to our house for our dogs because we're too embarassed to bring our lab out in public. (He humps his own face.)

Third of all, why does marriage (or rather, in-laws) have to ruin a perfectly good holiday like Thanksgiving? I used to love that shit.

Fourth of all, somebody just FARTED OUT LOUD in my office. I think it was that creepy Russian. I thought it went without saying, but rule number 15 for cubicle etiquette: No farting.

Love, Fluffy

Ghouls Just Want to Have Fun

Dear Diary,

Wow, that is the dorkiest title ever. Anyway, so Halloween is nearly upon us. As usual I have no costume ideas. A few years ago I decided that Halloween costumes should be scary. This is because a) I am not creative (add blood to anything and-- voila! scary) and b) I am not nearly as cute (or as vain) as I used to be.

So, here are a few ideas I'm throwing around:

bag of spinach
bloody bridesmaid
giant squid
an iceberg (clearly the ocean scares me)
a bloody iceberg

And scariest of all, Ann Coulter

Any suggestions?

Love Fluffy