MORE BABIES

Dear Diary,

My brother and sister-in-law just had another baby as well, their fourth. So welcome to the world, Lillian Marie!

You have a hard road ahead, being the youngest of four. I know because I am, too. But it gets better. You will be largely neglected until all your older siblings finally leave the house, and then you will become totally spoiled, and your parents will be so tired of having dealt with unruly teenagers that you will be allowed to run wild with little or no supervision. Then when you're older and all your siblings are lame and/or married and saddled with their own children, they will envy your still carefree lifestyle. It's a pretty sweet deal.

Love, Fluffy

Girls Gone Wild

Dear Diary,

Our staunch allies, the M's, just went and had a baby. She arrived over three weeks early. I know that is because we were to throw the M's a pre-baby bbq and this girl didn't want to miss a ragin' kegger being stuck in mom's belly.

So I went to visit the new family in the hospital, which was really awesome because I got to see Mrs. M's boob. And then I got to see her other boob. It was suh-WEET.

Introducing Beatrix Eloise M, party girl of 2007.

Really, is there anything cuter than baby feet? I don't think so.

Love, Fluffy

This house. It kills me.

Dear Diary,

If I want to make microwave popcorn while I'm blow-drying my hair, I should be able to do so, no questions asked, no fuses blown.

I don't want to consider doors that close and faucets that don't spray water in your face a luxury.

Have I mentioned the basement? Probably not, because I refuse to go down there for fear of never coming back alive. Hazards include unidentified musical equipment, enormous submarine-like oil tank, a wading pool, spider crickets, mysterious storage spaces that may or may not contain dead bodies, and a faint barnacle smell.

So my advice for the day is: Broke and lazy people shouldn't buy old houses. Unfortunately we are both, and we did.

Contemplating a nice, bland colonial in the 'burbs,
Fluffy

She Danced Onstage with Prince When She Was 2

Dear Diary,

I might lose some friends over this statement, but I heart Nicole Richie. She handled Diane Sawyer's inane (yet inflammatory) questions with grace and aplomb. Not one hint of defensiveness. I mean come on Diane, is it really your fucking business how much weight she has gained in her pregnancy? Perhaps she should have asked her about the state of her cervix? Granted, I have never been quite Nicole Richie thin, but in my early twenties I was way underweight, and nothing pissed me off more than people commenting on it. I don't go up to fat people and tell them to drop the donut.

So anyway, can we all back off Nicole Richie now? Yes, her baby daddy is unattractive. Yes, she's famous for no reason. But I really don't think she's as dumb as she seems, and she obviously has tremendous control over her temper. I would have ripped out Diane's jugular.

Love, Fluffy