A Play in One Act

You Don't Look Nearly Fat or Uncomfortable Enough, so I Am Going to Bring You Down

Bitter Middle Aged Hag (BMAH)

Act I

BMAH: So how are you feeling?

Fluffy: Oh, pretty good. A little tired sometimes.

BMAH: Ha, that's going to get WAY worse. Is the baby kicking a lot?

Fluffy: Yep. And he gets the hiccups twice a day. It's really...

BMAH: Oh, just wait until it keeps you up at night, jabbing you in the ribs!

Fluffy: Ha. Yeah.

BMAH: Are your feet swollen? They must be swollen in this heat.

Fluffy: No, not really.

BMAH: Oh, well they will be. You just wait. How are you sleeping?

Fluffy: Pretty well, actually.

BMAH: (Looks shocked and dismayed) REALLY? Snort. Well, enjoy it while you can sister, because you will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN after the baby's born. Cackle cackle cackle! (Takes off on broom.)

And... scene.


Southern Fried Girl said...

Wait, she made it to your house too? Yes, she and I are WELL acquainted.

Friggin bitch. I hate her.

Life, Love & Lola said...

BMAH needs to shut the hell up!

Bailey said...

What a bitch!

By the way, I tagged you!

jenn said...

Nothing like a pregnant tummy to bring the freaks out of the woodwork! I heard so many birth horror stories, etc. when I was pregnant...

Me said...

Why don't these bitches just stay in their corner with the rest of their cobwebs?

Broady said...

Why don't these know-it-alls realize that their gloomy predictions do not make them sage baby experts, but just annoying joy-stealers? Man, I *hated* those people.

There are still a few people that I pray that I run into soon, so when they give me that knowing, see-I-told-you-how-miserable-you-would-be schtick, I can smugly reply, "Sorry to disappoint, but the little champ has been sleeping through the night since week 6. And that would be 9 hours a night, beeyatch." Burn!!!

Glad that you are enjoying the pregnancy! You have so much to look forward to : )

Lena said...

Thanks for writing this.

Anonymous said...