19.11.08

Instability

Dear Diary,

OK, the mad little man has begun accepting bottles from me, grudgingly. He will only drink like 2 ounces (of formula) before he realizes what is going on and pitches a fit for boobies. So here's hoping our daycare lady will have more success. But now I feel confident at least that he can take a bottle and he's not going to starve and die at daycare.

And being my totally unstable and irrational self, after fretting about him taking a bottle and tolerating formula, once he started to actually suck it down I found myself feeling offended, like, "Are you kidding me? You actually like this crap?" Which is stupid, because once he starts eating solid food I'm sure he'll eat all kinds of unnatural crap, so I don't know why people get so bunched up about baby formula. I'm sure I don't take in half the vitamins that they put in that stuff. Considering my diet, he's probably better off.

And because I'm completely unstable, not to mention incredibly vain, I'm worried that I'm going to gain a bunch of weight once I cut down on breastfeeding. Which wouldn't be so bad, because I'm down to a size 2 now and I got rid of most of my size 2 pants when I realized a couple years ago that I would probably never again be a size 2. Also, the other day the BHE accused me of having "refugee legs". (Sorry, we're really not very politically correct around here. We're working on it, now that we'll be raising a kid who will probably repeat every offensive thing we say to his teachers.) But I'm crazy and have body image problems and always feel fat, even when I'm totally not. Like, really, really, not.

SO... in non-baby news: that would be nothing. Once I get back to work maybe I'll have some more material. But oh my god, my company was recently bought by a huge defense contractor (I know, wtf?) and they block facebook, flickr, blogger, gmail... all sites like that. So what the hell am I supposed to do at work?

Love,
Fluffy