In the work kitchen

Dear Diary,

Sharing a common kitchen with coworkers annoys me under normal circumstances. Add pregnancy to that, and I’m ready to kill anyone within 2 feet of me in there. Personal space issues aside, people just don’t know how to act in a work kitchen. Here’s a tip: Get in, get out, no loitering. More specifically:

DO NOT comment on other peoples’ food. And definitely do not grab someone else’s Tupperware to inspect their breakfast and ask whether that is turkey bacon, and how did they cook those eggs?

Do not block a free microwave by standing in front of it and frosting a cake. (wtf?)

Do not spend a disproportionate amount of time washing one small piece of Tupperware and one plastic fork (FOUR MINUTES OH MY GOD IT’S CLEAN ALREADY, MOVE ON)

Do not stand in the middle of the kitchen to eat your yogurt, when you really have no other reason to be in the kitchen. That’s what your desk is for. Unless you sit next to me and are a loud yogurt eater, or a yogurt container scraper. Then no yogurt permitted.

Do not talk to yourself while you decide what kind of snack to get out of the vending machine.

Also, do not hum.

Trust me; I really, really couldn’t care less about your diet. So stop talking to me about it.

Yes, we all know the coffee machine sucks and that they don’t replenish the paper towel supply quickly enough. Do we really have to mention it just to have something to say?

Don’t get me started on the strange things people bring in from home to heat up in the toaster oven. Just spring for a lean cuisine, k?


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