Dear Diary,
I am a terrible insomniac. Actually no, I am a great insomniac. If there were a verb form of insomnia, I would be considered a very skilled insomniator. I can lie awake until, like, 5 AM, when I finally fall into a dead sleep just in time to wake up late and waltz into work around 10:30. Counting sheep doesn't help, because when I imagine the sheep running and jumping over a little fence, in my imagination they don't keep going after they get across, they just kind of pile up on the other side. So then it turns into a kind of disturbing sheep-jam, sheep-pile, and the image is just not sleep-inducing.
WHERE am I going here. OK. I often find myself thinking about various things when I'm lying awake. Thinks like money, Huey Lewis, kittens, classy trench coats, etc. But the other night, I was kept awake by this musing:
You know how lots of people call their grandparents by a foreign word for grandparents (mine were Nain and Tide, because we're Welsh, don't you know)? Nana, Nonna, Abuelito, etc? Well I wonder if there are any kids in other countries who call their grandparents Grandma and Grandpa because there is some American floating around in the genes, and if so do their friends think it's totally weird, like my friends did when I told them what I called mine???
UP TILL 5 AM.
Love, Fluffy
25.5.07
21.5.07
SuperFresh Salad Bar: Lessons Learned
Dear Diary,
Today I went to the Super Fresh salad bar. It is a big salad bar, and one is likely to be seduced by the myriad colorful offerings. But after having had my share of salad bar mishaps, I thought I would compile some tips.
1. Celery is a waste of time and space. I find its bold and flashy taste presumptuous; it offers no satisfaction to back it up. Don't be drawn in.
2. Though some may find them tacky and disingenuous, I think fake bacon bits are a refreshing addition to the top of salad. They add textural nuance -- crunchy at the beginning of the salad, then mysteriously bloated and chewy by the end.
3. Cottage cheese is the great unifier. If you are ever in the mood for both fruit and vegetables, but unsure whether they will get along in one salad, fear not. Cottage cheese will bridge the gap nicely.
4. Chick peas are a welcome addition to any salad. BUT ONLY IF THEY ARE PLAIN CHICK PEAS. I have been drawn in before by what looked like some kind of middle-eastern chick pea medley, only to discover to my shock and horror that it was a revoltingly sweet concoction that contaminated the entire salad and left me questioning the meaning of life.
5. I support the use of sunflower seeds.
6. Do not be tempted by prepared tuna salad. This is a risk not worth taking. I am always amazed by the number of people who think that adding sweet relish to tuna salad is a normal thing to do. You might as well squirt honey in your mashed potatoes.
7. In fact, steer clear of prepared salads altogether. Those fancy pasta salads may look enticing, but they are likely to have a bizarre and unwelcome ingredient lurking among the sun-dried tomatoes.
8. If you have made informed choices in the salad bar, you should have no need for additional dressing. If you find that your salad is bland, you only have yourself and your mistrust of fake bacon bits to blame.
Love, Fluffy
Today I went to the Super Fresh salad bar. It is a big salad bar, and one is likely to be seduced by the myriad colorful offerings. But after having had my share of salad bar mishaps, I thought I would compile some tips.
1. Celery is a waste of time and space. I find its bold and flashy taste presumptuous; it offers no satisfaction to back it up. Don't be drawn in.
2. Though some may find them tacky and disingenuous, I think fake bacon bits are a refreshing addition to the top of salad. They add textural nuance -- crunchy at the beginning of the salad, then mysteriously bloated and chewy by the end.
3. Cottage cheese is the great unifier. If you are ever in the mood for both fruit and vegetables, but unsure whether they will get along in one salad, fear not. Cottage cheese will bridge the gap nicely.
4. Chick peas are a welcome addition to any salad. BUT ONLY IF THEY ARE PLAIN CHICK PEAS. I have been drawn in before by what looked like some kind of middle-eastern chick pea medley, only to discover to my shock and horror that it was a revoltingly sweet concoction that contaminated the entire salad and left me questioning the meaning of life.
5. I support the use of sunflower seeds.
6. Do not be tempted by prepared tuna salad. This is a risk not worth taking. I am always amazed by the number of people who think that adding sweet relish to tuna salad is a normal thing to do. You might as well squirt honey in your mashed potatoes.
7. In fact, steer clear of prepared salads altogether. Those fancy pasta salads may look enticing, but they are likely to have a bizarre and unwelcome ingredient lurking among the sun-dried tomatoes.
8. If you have made informed choices in the salad bar, you should have no need for additional dressing. If you find that your salad is bland, you only have yourself and your mistrust of fake bacon bits to blame.
Love, Fluffy
15.5.07
If dancing the cha-cha with your cat is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
Dear Diary,
My dad is not from City B. He moved here years ago for a job, and has never really warmed to the area. His biggest complaint is the weather. He talks about the weather as if it were an evil multi-national corporation, or a salesperson who is trying to screw him over. I've always found this very amusing.
We were talking today about what a decidedly pleasant spring we've had in City B. This was surprising, because according to him the weather around here can't do anything right. But then, in true form, he said, "Well after that sleazy winter we had..."
Tacky? Maybe. But I think sleazy might be pushing it.
Love, Fluffy
My dad is not from City B. He moved here years ago for a job, and has never really warmed to the area. His biggest complaint is the weather. He talks about the weather as if it were an evil multi-national corporation, or a salesperson who is trying to screw him over. I've always found this very amusing.
We were talking today about what a decidedly pleasant spring we've had in City B. This was surprising, because according to him the weather around here can't do anything right. But then, in true form, he said, "Well after that sleazy winter we had..."
Tacky? Maybe. But I think sleazy might be pushing it.
Love, Fluffy
11.5.07
Six things. Seven?
Dear Diary,
People seem to be doing this on their blogs, so ME TOO, ME TOO!
1. I count things obsessively.
2. When I was in high school I had an insatiable craving for dirt, dust, and chalk. I imagine it was some kind of vitamin deficiency. I say insatiable because whenever I would give in and bite into a piece of chalk, it was always quite disappointing and would not satisfy the craving.
3. I used to think I had premonitions, but turns out it was just anxiety.
4. I cannot stand watching my food being prepared. It ruins the magic.
5. When I was little my favorite number was 5. Then it was 16, because I always thought how great it would be to be 16. I thought girls automatically turned pretty when they were 16.
6. Before I knew where babies came from, I thought that all girls had babies growing inside them that would just come out when they reached a certain age. This led me to believe that my dad was just some dude who lived with us.
7. I have never seen 2001: A Space Odyssey.
So there you have it, 7 random things about me. Wow, I sound crazy! The drugs help, though.
Love, Fluffy
People seem to be doing this on their blogs, so ME TOO, ME TOO!
1. I count things obsessively.
2. When I was in high school I had an insatiable craving for dirt, dust, and chalk. I imagine it was some kind of vitamin deficiency. I say insatiable because whenever I would give in and bite into a piece of chalk, it was always quite disappointing and would not satisfy the craving.
3. I used to think I had premonitions, but turns out it was just anxiety.
4. I cannot stand watching my food being prepared. It ruins the magic.
5. When I was little my favorite number was 5. Then it was 16, because I always thought how great it would be to be 16. I thought girls automatically turned pretty when they were 16.
6. Before I knew where babies came from, I thought that all girls had babies growing inside them that would just come out when they reached a certain age. This led me to believe that my dad was just some dude who lived with us.
7. I have never seen 2001: A Space Odyssey.
So there you have it, 7 random things about me. Wow, I sound crazy! The drugs help, though.
Love, Fluffy
4.5.07
Hypothetically...
Dear Diary,
Let me preface this post by stating that I love my job and and it's great and I love the company and it's great and HOORAY FOR EVERYTHING and please don't fire me. That being said...
Things a boss probably shouldn't mention to his employees:
Let me preface this post by stating that I love my job and and it's great and I love the company and it's great and HOORAY FOR EVERYTHING and please don't fire me. That being said...
Things a boss probably shouldn't mention to his employees:
- that he may not answer his phone because he'll be
"hot-tubbing" - that last night was his "sex night" and he didn't "get any"
- that he felt scared in Key West because of all the "big beefy gay guys"
- that his wife still "puts out" after 10 years
Not saying it's my boss. Just saying that, you know, those are things that a boss probably shouldn't say. Don't you think?
Love, Fluffy
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