Oscar Bits

Dear Diary,

I was able to catch a bit of the Oscars last night...

- I'm wondering whether Harrison Ford was drunk or having a stroke. At his age, I guess it's hard to tell.

- Um, Diablo Cody? Mrs. Roper called, and she wants her dress back. Just get it dry-cleaned first.

- Hello, Cameron Diaz? Sweetie, it's customary for people presenting at the Oscars to actually get their hair done. By a professional.

That's all for now.