Friday Fill-In

From here.


1. I believe whatever doesn't kill you is preferable to whatever does kill you.

2. If you're good at something, you should brag about it constantly and annoy the shit out of everyone.

3. Why so judgemental?

4. Something is out there, it's plastics.

5. If my life were a sitcom, it would be titled My Two Husbands [the BHE refers to our black lab as my 2nd husband because of our inappropriately close relationship that I prefer to think of as a deep psychic connection.]

6. Sitting on my back porch I see ivy and dog poop.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I’m looking forward to dinner here, tomorrow my plans include a baby shower for moi and Sunday, I want to set up the nursery, finally.

Love,
Fluffy

A Play in One Act

You Don't Look Nearly Fat or Uncomfortable Enough, so I Am Going to Bring You Down

Cast:
Bitter Middle Aged Hag (BMAH)
Fluffy

Act I

BMAH: So how are you feeling?

Fluffy: Oh, pretty good. A little tired sometimes.

BMAH: Ha, that's going to get WAY worse. Is the baby kicking a lot?

Fluffy: Yep. And he gets the hiccups twice a day. It's really...

BMAH: Oh, just wait until it keeps you up at night, jabbing you in the ribs!

Fluffy: Ha. Yeah.

BMAH: Are your feet swollen? They must be swollen in this heat.

Fluffy: No, not really.

BMAH: Oh, well they will be. You just wait. How are you sleeping?

Fluffy: Pretty well, actually.

BMAH: (Looks shocked and dismayed) REALLY? Snort. Well, enjoy it while you can sister, because you will NEVER SLEEP AGAIN after the baby's born. Cackle cackle cackle! (Takes off on broom.)

And... scene.

No, we did not name our kid after that Tom Cruise movie.

Dear Diary,

So this weekend we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary by going to Cape May for the weekend. Also I celebrated my 30th week of pregnancy with lots of peeing, a heartburn/tums shortage-induced TOTAL FREAKOUT, and rather sore feet. But it was a nice weekend just the same.

Also, we are having a bit of a name crisis at the moment. The name we have picked out may not work because of an upcoming Tom Cruise movie. I will explain later, possibly. May I also add that the name we have picked out is the only name that the BHE and I can agree on, so if we can't use it we are in serious trouble. And about that, the whole agreeing on a name thing. Why can't I just pick it out myself? Maybe in the hospital when the BHE steps out to get some air (did I mention he can't even watch ER?) I will quick fill out the birth certificate with one of my name choices and that will be that.

Also, note to mah baybeh:

If you are trying to get out of there early by forcibly jamming your head through my side like it's a too-small turtleneck (or perhaps that's your foot, knee, or elbow-- who can tell) UR DOIN IT WRONG.

Love,
Fluffy

OH HAI!

I got a new cable for my camera. But this is really the only photo I feel like sharing at the moment. Please ignore the disgusting couch. We are replacing it with a leather one just as soon as we sell tabloid pix of the baby to the highest bidder.

OK, just for shits and giggles here is another one, of Bernice and Old Man. INTERSPECIES CUDDLING. We like to capture that kind of thing on film.

Also, here is a picture of President Lincoln kindly giving directions to a poor lost tourist (who for some reason reminds me of Luis on Sesame Street). Because that is how things roll in Gettysburg.

Love,

Fluffy

Worlds Collide

Dear Diary,

It is not often that the BHE shares my interest in celebrity gossip; in fact, it is never. But the recent rumors swirling around Alex Rodriguez and Madonna (or A-Rod and Madge, if you like) have made their way to the baseball forums on which the BHE lurks. The BHE claims that A-Rod has been seen leaving Madonna's apartment late at night and that his ex-wife has taken up with Lenny Kravitz! OMGWTF!

Let's just say that it's a little odd to be getting the latest scoop on this situation from the BHE.

Love,
Fluffy